You’re Not Too Much—You’re Tuned In
(a look into women and overthinking)
Ever replay a conversation in your head 47 times, wondering if you said the wrong thing… even though the other person hasn’t said anything’s wrong?
Yeah. Same.
Turns out, there’s a reason for that. And it’s not just anxiety—it’s biology, social conditioning, and emotional wiring working overtime.
Women’s brains are literally built to tune in.
Thanks to what neuroscientists call relational scanning, our minds are constantly picking up on tone, facial expressions, shifts in energy—all in the name of keeping connection safe.
This isn’t a flaw.
It’s actually a brilliant evolutionary trait. Dr. Louann Brizendine (author of The Female Brain) explains how the female brain is more active in areas that track emotion and social feedback. It helped our ancestors protect their babies, sense danger, and build strong communities.
But in modern life? That superpower can backfire. Especially when there’s no immediate danger or resolution.
Enter: rumination.
Rumination 101
Rumination = getting stuck in a loop of thoughts like:
“Did I say too much?”
“What did that tone mean?”
“Are they mad at me?”
“Should I have handled that differently?”
Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema (psychologist and author of Women Who Think Too Much) found that women are twice as likely to ruminate as men. Why? Because we’re wired to be more emotionally attuned—and taught from day one to be “nice,” “likable,” and “in tune with others’ feelings.”
That combo? Exhausting.
The Hidden Cost of Constant Scanning
When your brain is always on alert, scanning for emotional safety, it takes a toll:
Burnout
Anxiety
Over-functioning in relationships
Chronic self-doubt
Decision fatigue
You’re not dramatic. You’re not needy.
Your brain is doing what it was built to do. It just needs a little support to turn down the volume.
5 Gentle Ways to Interrupt the Overthinking Loop
Name it – “Oh hey, my brain’s scanning for connection again.”
Drop into your body – Breathe. Stretch. Walk. Disengage the mental hamster wheel.
Reality check – What are the actual facts here?
Compassion over criticism – Be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else.
Limit the loop – Set a timer for “think time,” then do something sensory (music, water, movement).
The Bottom Line
You’re not overreacting. You’re reacting deeply—because you care deeply.
But you don’t have to carry every emotional thread or scan every room to feel safe or worthy.
Start by turning some of that beautiful relational energy inward.
Your peace matters, too.
Want to learn more? Start with these powerful reads:
The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine
Women Who Think Too Much by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema
Burnout by Emily & Amelia Nagoski
The Dance of Connection by Harriet Lerner
